Thursday, September 22, 2011

9/19 readings- emotional intelligence

It's called mirroring.

I was first introduced to this idea when I was learning from the philosopher Immanuel Kant.  I began to become fascinated by body language when I learned it was quite popular by pick up artists and more times than not, basic instruction for men to study flirting and interest in their would be love affairs with women.

In the leadership world?

Teresa Taylor said she like to entertain debates at executive meetings as she gathered and interpreted "reads" from all those involved before deciding which course to take and where to intervene.  The SCARF model teaches leaders to employ empathy, attunement, intentionality to mirror another person to get on their wavelength.  There was a perfect example just the other day.

I playfully approached a usually bubbly and playful friend and peer.  As I gently tapped her on the head with a packet of some sort, she immediately lashed out and said "that's mean"  Instinctively she recoiled in realization of her self awareness that  may have offended my harmless attempt to engage her.  Not threatened I immediately "read" her body language- her body symmetry, posture, threat triggers/ responses [legs and arms crossed, palms up or down indicative of perceived hostility or submission, where she was looking- which was down [felt guilty, etc] and then I moved on.] I then lowered myself lower then her- actually slumped lower than her so that she would know that I was not going to proceed aggressively or in a hostile manner, then I began to ask how her day was going.  Math was the immediate problem, one exam on top of another in a Lifespan HHD class, which led to a fussy baby and a less than willing spouse to help with the fussy baby that cut into studying for these exams, all is which I sat there and listened.  Can't say that it made the situation better, but it did improve my friends mood and using the neuron mirroring method helped and hoped to jolt enthusiasm into this young mama and young wife.  She smiled a little shy smile and went back to work with more determination than the previous hours allowed her to.

grinding out the time and work of a leader is never ending, but that's why I guess I love it.

No comments:

Post a Comment